Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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