So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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