rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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