Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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