just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize