I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize