i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
