Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
