I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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