p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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