Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
