"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We don't watch enough power rangers
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
