I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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