her vagine was all disorganized.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize