So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
