I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
