Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
