Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
