I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
