Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
