dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
