lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We are two peas in an std pod
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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