the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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