i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
