I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
