At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize