I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
