You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
