1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
