I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
