i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
