You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I can text with my tongue
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
