i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
