atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
