So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
