I think I am morally bankrupt
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
