..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
