if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
a search helicopter?!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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