She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
