im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
