He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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