They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
