If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
