Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Randomize