I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
