when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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