Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
