$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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