The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
