No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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