I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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