I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
