Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
