hotel room ftw
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
