Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize