I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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