If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We need to get me chipped asap
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
