My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
