She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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