I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
