I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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