I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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