i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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