remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
