I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
