and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
