cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I need moral support for this bender
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
