I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
