your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
