Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
